Middle age begins with the first mortgage and ends when you drop dead.
- Herb Caen
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize I’m going to miss mine by just a few days. - Garrison Keillor
I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: what the hell good would that do?
- Ronnie Shakes
Never invest in anything that eats or needs repairing. - Billy Rose
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
-George Burns
He without benefit of scruples
His fun and money soon quadruples
- Ogden Nash (1902-1971)
A bore is someone who, when you ask how he is, tells you.
- variously ascribed
I am a kind of a paranoic in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.
- J.D. Salinger
Any new venture goes through the following stages: enthusiasm, complication, disillusionment, search for the guilty, punishment of the innocent, and decoration of those who did nothing. - unknown
My schoolmates would make love to anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself. - Emo Philips
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