The Use of Riches in Discretion Lies

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Nothing is so hard for those who abound in riches as to conceive how others can be in want. – Jonathan Swift

Golden shackles are far worse than iron ones. – Mohandas Ghandhi

Abundance is a blessing to the wise;
The use of riches in discretion lies:
Learn this, ye men of wealth – a heavy purse
In a fool’s pocket is a heavy curse. – Richard Cumberland

To open a shop is easy, to keep it open is an art. – Confucius

I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue that some day I shall die, which is not so. – Stephen Butler-Leacock

When buyers don’t fall for prices, prices must fall for buyers. – Anonymous

When I sell liquor, it’s called bootlegging; when my patrons serve it on silver trays on Lake Shore Drive, it’s called hospitality. – Al Capone

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Self Pity can be Raised to Infinity

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The essential element in personal magnetism is a consuming sincerity – an overwhelming faith in the importance of the work one has to do. – Bruce Barton.

The mathematics of self-pity can be raised to infinitiy. –Cornelius Ryan

The value of anything is not what you get paid for it, nor what it cost to produce, but what you can get for it at an auction. – william Lyon Phelps

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless. – Sinclair Lewis

All media exist to invest our lives with artificial perceptions and arbitrary values. – Marshall McLuhan

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it. – Stephen Leacock

When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut. – P.L. Stewart

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One illusion is that you can industrialize a country by building factories. You don’t. You industrialize it by building markets. – Paul G. Hoffman

The meek shall inherit the world, but they’ll never increase market share. – William G. McGowan

I know that half the money I spend on advertising is wasted; but I can never find out which half. – John Wannamaker

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it. – Stephen Leacock

The codfish lays ten thousand eggs,
The homely hen lays one.
The codfish never cackles
To tell you what she’s done.
And so we scorn the codfish
While the humble hen we prize,
Which only goes to show you
That it pays to advertise. – anonymous

If you don’t buy this magazine, we’ll kill this dog – January 1973 cover of National Lampoon

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Where Every Cockroach has a Screenplay

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Life is an unbroken succession of false situations. – Thornton Wilder

My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music. – Vladimir Nabokov

A big hard-boiled city with no more personality than a paper cup. – Raymond Chandler (about L.A.)

L.A.: where there’s never weather, and walking is a crime. L.A.: where the streetlights and palm trees go on forever, where darkness never comes, like a deal that never goes down, a meeting that’s never taken. The city of angels: where every cockroach has a screenplay and even the winos wear roller skates. It’s that kind of town. _ Ian Shoales

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. – Stephen Leacock

When we want to read of the deeds that are done for love, whither do we turn? To the murder column. – George Bernard Shaw

It is well to write love letters. There are certain things for which it is not easy to ask your mistress face to face, like money, for instance. – Henri De Regnier

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