Snore and You Sleep Alone

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Men are shits. It hit me when I realized that I wouldn’t take myself out or go to bed with me. – Dustin Hoffman (from the movie Tootsie)

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out. – George Jean Nathan

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. – Anthony Burgess

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. – Fred Allen

Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to instruct them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills. – Voltaire

Even as a kid I always went for the wrong women. I feel that’s my problem. When my mother took me to see Snow White, everyone fell in love with Snow White. I immediately fell for the wicked queen. – Woody Allen

We Have Met the Enemy and He is Us

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The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out. – Chinese proverb

No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another. – Charles Dickens

We have met the enemy and he is us. – Walt Kelly

We are all richer than we think we are. – Michel de Montaigne

Nothing you can’t spell will ever work. – Will Rogers

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. – Mae West

I’m as pure as the driven slush. – Tallulah Bankhead