The Sure Way to Get Nothing for Something

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Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. – Wilson Mizner




Millions of words are written annually purporting to tell how to beat the races, whereas the best possible advice on the subject is found in the three monosyllables, “Do not try.”



A gambler is nothing but a man who makes his living out of hope. – William Bolitho



Nine gamblers could not feed a single rooster. – Yugoslav Proverb



Gaming is the son of avarice, and the father of dispair. – French proverb



Gambling is the child of avarice, the brother of iniquity, and the father of mischief. – George Washington

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And Still Have Enough Room for Three Caraway Seeds and a Producer's Heart

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California is a great place – if you happen to be an orange. Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. – Fred Allen

Hollywood is like Picasso’s bedroom. – Candace Bergen

I believe that God felt sorry for actors so He created Hollywood to give them a place in the sun and a swimming pool. – Sir Cedric Hardwicke

Hollywood is a sewer – with service from the Ritz Carlton. – Wilson Mizner

I love Los Angeles. I love Hollywood. They’re beautiful. Everybody’s plastic. No sound at all but the popping of the California poppies. – Adolph Zukor

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer’s heart. – Fred Allen

To survive in Hollywood you need: the ambition of a Latin-American revolutionary; the ego of a grand opera tenor; and the physical stamina of a cow pony. – Billie Burke

Los Angeles is a city with the personality of a paper cup. – Raymond Chandler

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Hollywood: A Cruel Town and then there are the Critics

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Two of the cruelest, most primitive punishments our town deals out to those who fall from favor are the empty mail-box and the silent telephone. – Hedda Hopper

If debased art is kitsch, perhaps kitsch redeemed by honest vulgarity may become art. – Pauline Kael

Over the years, the movies have furnished America with its nearest equivalent to Europe’s royalty. – Arthur Knight

There are snake dances, sacrifices, private swimming baths, a Holy Mountain. The Mountain, by the way, has the privilege of belching when it is dissatisfied, something that the well-bred critic must not do. – C.A. Lejeune

Over in Hollywood they almost made a great picture, but they caught it in time. – Wilson Mizner

Some of the greatest love affairs I’ve known involved one actor, unassisted. – Wilson Mizner

Ava Gardner about Rex Reed:
Rex Reed is either at you feet or at your throat.

It is the business of art to expand consciousness, while it is the business of mass communication to reduce it. – Richard Schickel