Darkly Comical Last Words

John Sedgwick American Civil War general carelessly peering over the parapet at the battle of Spotsylvania:
“They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dista ..”

Robert Taft to his wife
“Well, Martha .. Glad to see you looking so well.”

Carl Panzram Executed for murdering 23 people
– “I wish the human race had one neck and I had my hands round it.”

Edward “Death Valley Scotty” Scott (American recluse died 1954
“I got four things to live by: don’t say nothin’ that will hurt anybody; don’t give advice—nobody will take it anyway; don’t complain; don’t explain.”

Gram Parsons Rock musician – after being told his drug use would kill him –
“Death is a warm cloak and old friend. I regard death as something that comes up on a roulette wheel every once in a while.”

Anthony Drexel III – Demonstrating a new pistol
– “Here’s one you’ve never seen..”

Alexander the Great – Upon being asked on his deathbed who was to succeed him –
“The strongest.”

Nikolai Rubinstein founder of the Moscow Conservatoire -
“Oysters! Nothing will do me as much good as a dozen cold oysters and an ice afterwords.”

Norman Baesell – Air Force Major flying the aircraft in which bandleader Glenn Miller disappeared over the English Channel -
“What’s the matter, Miller, do you want to live forever?”

Manfred von Richthofen (the Red Baron)- WWI fighter pilot to his mechanics -
“Don’t you think I’ll be back?”

Joseph Duveen, English Art Dealer after living beyond all medical prognoses -
“Well, I fooled them for five years.”

Richard Halliburton – Writer and explorer – Final message sent from his ship sinking in the Pacific – “Southerly gales, squalls, lee rail under water, wet bunks, hard tack, bully beef, wish you were here—instead of me!”

Richard Fairbanks, Sr. – Actor
“I’ve never felt better!”

Morgan Earp – Lawman dying in the OK Corral, he finally agreed with his brother’s views on the afterllife
“I guess you were right, Wyatt. I can’t see a damned thing.”

James Cross – Scottish physicist after a life of abstention, he requested spirits on his deathbed –
“I’ll take a wee drop of that. I don’t think there’s much fear of me learning to drink now.”


Elisa Bonaprte – Sister of Napoleon on being told that nothing was as certain as death –
“Except taxes.”

“I’ve had eighteen straight whiskies. I think that’s the record.” – Dylan Thomas the Welsh Poet

James Thurber’s last words -
“God bless .. God damn ..”

Oscar Wilde calling for champagne on his death bed -
“I am dying, as I have lived, beyond my means”

“Splendid, the finale just a little too fast.”
Eugene Ysaye – Violinist listening to his own sonata

Richard Loeb – Murderer – Killed in a prison fight with another inmate, Loeb was slashed with a razor 56 times:
“I think I’m going to make it.”

John Luthor Jones Casey Jones – railroad locomotive engineer –
“For I’m going to run her till she leaves the rail—or make it on time with the southbound mail.”