A Tragedy for Those Who Feel

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The world is a vast temple dedicated to Discord. – Voltaire

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes. – Benjamin Franklin

We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe. – Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

In the fight between you and the world, back the world. – Frank Zappa

The world is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel. – Horace Walpole

The world is a funny paper read backwards—and that way it isn’t so funny. – Tennessee Williams

If the world was a logical place, men would ride side-saddle. – Rita Mae Brown

Maybe this world is another planet’s hell. – Aldous Huxley

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What do Women Want? – Sigmund Freud

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The Allurement that women hold out to men is precisely the allurement that Cape Hatteras holds out to sailors; they are enormously dangerous and hence enormously fascinating. – H.L. Mancken

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult. – Charlotte Whitton

He gets on best with women who know how to get on without them. – Ambrose Bierce

I hate women because they always know where things are. – James Thurber

What do women want? – Sigmund Freud

I do not like work even when someone else does it. – Mark Twain

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he’s supposed to be doing at that moment. – Robert Benchley

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day. – Robert Frost

Everything considered, work is less boring than amusing oneself. – Charles Baudelaire

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Like a Fish without a Bicycle

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Mohandas K. Gandhi on Western Civilization:
It would be a good idea.

I prefer the wicked rather than the foolish. The wicked sometimes rest. – Alexandre Dumas

A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to comprehend his cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it. – Israel Zangwill

Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife. She has thought much worse things about you. – Jean Rostand

Woman would be more charming if one could fall into her arms without falling into her hands. – Ambrose Bierce

The way to fight a woman is with your hat. Grab it and run. – John Barrymore

On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women. – H.L. Mencken

Women who insist upon having the same options as men would do well to consider the option of being the strong silent type. – fran Lebowitz

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and she can’t say, “No,” in any of them. – Dorothy Parker

What passes for woman’s intuition is often nothing more than a man’s transparency. George Jean Nathan

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. – Gloria Steinem

A Single Redeeming Vice

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The first TV babies are now writing with a TV mind that has no attention span at all. – Gore Vidal

It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods. If such a board actually exists it operates precisely like the board of a corporation that is losing money. – H.L. Mencken

My only aversion to vice, is the price. – Victor Buono

He hasn’t a single redeeming vice. – Oscar Wilde

Woman’s virtue is man’s greatest invention. – George Bernard Shaw

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against. – W.C. Fields

The music at a wedding procession always reminds me of the music of soldiers going into battle. – Heinrich Heine

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul. George Bernard Shaw

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Democracy at its Ugliest

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Television is now so desperately hungry for material that they’e scraping the top of the barrel. – Gore Vidal

Television is the first truly democratic culture – the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want. The most terrifying thing is what the people want. – Clive Barnes

Imitation is the sincerest form of television. – Fred Allen

Television is democracy at its ugliest. – Paddy Chayefsky

Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. – Rita Mae Brown

Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing. – H.L. Mencken

Most people would die sooner than think; in fact, they do so. – Bertrand Russell

So little time, so little to do. – Oscar Levant

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Secret Prostitution of the Soul

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The desire for success lubricates secret prostitution in the soul. - Norman Mailer

Success and failure are both difficult to endure. Along with success come drugs, divorce, fornication, bullying, travel, medication, depression, neurosis, and suicide. With failure comes failure. – Joseph Heller

Success and failure are equally disastrous. – Tennessee Williams

I don’t think suicide is so terrible. Some rainy winter Sundays, when there’s a little boredom, you should always carry a gun. Not to shoot yourself, but to know exactly that you’re always making a choice. – Lina Wertmuller

Like its politicians and its war, society has the teenagers it deserves. – J.B. Priesley

Television: chewing gum for the eyes. – Frank Lloyd Wright

Television is a medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time, and yet remain lonesome. – Anonymous

Television – a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done. – Ernie Kovacs

Nothing Succeeds like Address

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Southern California, where the American Dream came too true. – Lawrence Ferlinghetti

A statesman is a successful politician who is dead. – Thomas B. Reed

Stupidity is an elemental force for which no earthquake is a match. – Karl Kraus

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the tress, then names the streets after them. – Bill Vaughn

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess. – Oscar Wilde

Nothing succeeds like address. – Fran Lebowitz

It is not enough to succeed; others must fail. – Gore Vidal

Slums may well be the breeding grounds of crime, but middle-class suburbs are incubators of apathy and delirium. – Cyril Connolly

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Sobriety in Moderation

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I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. – Wilson Mizner

It has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain when awake. – Mark Twain

I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine. – H.L. Mencken

There is nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation. – John Ciardi

Society attacks early when the individual is helpless. – B.F. Skinner

Society is always diseased and the best is most so. – Henry David Thoreau

Solitude would be ideal if you could pick the people to avoid. – Karl Kraus

There’s nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn’t cure. – Ross MacDonald

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The Perfect Expression of Scorn

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Is sex dirty? Only if it’s done right. – Woody Allen

Bernard Shaw is an excellent man; he has not an enemy in the world, and none of his friends like him. – Oscar Wilde

Being in a ship is like being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. – Samuel Johnson

Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn. – George Bernard Shaw

Sin is geographical. – Bertrand Russell

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. – George Bernard Shaw

I don’t think you want too much sincerity in society. It would be like an iron girder in a house of cards. – W. Somerset Maugham

Skepticism is the first step on the road to philosophy. - Denis Diderot

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Finding the Ridiculous in Everything

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Look for the ridiculous in everything and you find it. – Jules Renard

On screenwriters –
Schmucks with Underwoods. – Jack Warner

He who despises himself esteems himself as a self-despiser. – Nietzshe

There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves we feel no one else has a right to blame us. – Oscar Wilde

To fall in love with yourself is the first secret of happiness. I did so at the age of four and a half. Then if you’re not a good mixer you can always fall back on your own company. – Robert Morley

In an age when the fashion is to be in love with yourself, confessing to being in love with somebody else is an admission of unfaithfulness to one’s beloved. – Russel Baker

Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious. – H.L. Mencken

Self-sacrifice enable us to sacrifice other people without blushing. – George Bernard Shaw

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the vanquished were of course exterminated

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It is explained that all relationships require a little give and take. This is untrue. Any partnership demands that we give and give and give and at the last, as we flop into our graves exhausted, we are told that we didn’t give enough. – Quentin Crisp

Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain. – Mark Twain

All religions are founded on the fear of the many and the cleverness of the few. – Stendhal

Since the whole affair had become one of religion, the vanquished were of course exterminated. – Voltaire

Randomness scares people. Religion is a way to explain randomness. – Fran Lebowitz

Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training, for it trains people as to how they shall think. – Arthur Schopenhauer

Where is it a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat. – John Morley

We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another. – Jonathan Swift

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Confessing our Parents’ Shortcomings

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The chief contribution of Protstentism to human thought is its massive proof that God is a bore. – H.L. Mencken

The relation between psychiatrists and other kinds of lunatic is more or less the relation of a convex folly to a concave one. – Karl Kraus

A promiscuous person is someone who is getting more sex than you are. – Victor Lownes

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents’ shortcomings. – Laurence J. Peter

Psychotherapy: the theory that the patient will probably get well anyhow, and is certainly a damned ijjit. – H.L. Mencken

Punctuality is the virtue of the bored. – Evelyn Waugh

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. – Fred Allen

There is only one honest impulse at the bottom of Puritanism, and that is the impulse to punish the man with a superior capacity for happiness. – H.L. Mencken

About Publishers –
As repressed sadists are supposed to become policeman or butchers so those with irrational fear of life become publishers. – Cyril Connolly

You can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think. – Dorothy Parker

I’ve been too **cking busy and vice versa. – Dorothy Parker

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Sacrificed to Expediency

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I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. – W.C. Fields

You can’t learn too soon that the most useful thing about a principle is that it can always be sacrificed to expediency. – W. Somerset Maughm

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. – Mark Twain

I like persons better than principle and I like persons with no princibles better than anything at all. – Oscar Wilde.

All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income. – Samuel Butler

Progress celebrates Pyrrhic victories over nature and makes purses out of human skin. – Karl Kraus

Once the People Begin to Reason - All is Lost

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It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious. – Oscar Wilde

The devil is an optimist if he thinks he can make people meaner. – Karl Kraus

Once the people begin to reason, all is lost. – Voltaire

The people are that part of the state that does not know what it wants. – Georoge Friedrich Wilhelm Hegel

Pessimist: one who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both. – Oscar Wilde

If you wish to understand a philosopher, do not ask what he says, but find out what he wants. – Nietzsche

Those who lack the courage will always find a philosophy to justify it. – Albert Camus

Philosophy teaches us to bear with equanimity the misfortunes of others. – Oscar Wilde

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The Banks Own the U.S. Congress

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Everythings for Sale!

For my 299th blog I'd like to revisit one of my favorite subjects: Lobbying.

If you have the time do a search of my site you'll find 4 previous articles on banking and lobbying.

Here's the update - Goldman Sachs and their minions are in league with the devil.

It's not because they have a direct pipeline into Washington DC.

It's not because they set aside 16.7 BBBBBBillion Dollars for bonuses (that's $530,000 per employee).

It's not because they've directly and indirectly received 22.9 BBBBBillion Dollars from the federal government.

Then why are they evil?

In the first half of the year they spent a large portion of $224,000,000 lobbying members of the House of Representatives and Senate. They spent this $224,000,000 in six months to subvert the purpose of our elected officials. They spent this money to get our politicians to represent their interests.

Why do you suppose they gave $224,000,000 to lobbyists? Could it be to have their way? Could it be to influence the votes of members of the House and Senate? Could it be that they have $224,000,000 reasons to celebrate their bonuses? Could it be they do it because they are kind generous human beings? Could it be they do it for the benefit of every American?

There are 71 members of the House Financial Services Committee and the financial industry gave 25% of the total political contributions to almost half of these 71 elected politicians.

Do you believe these same bought-and-paid-for politicians can adequately reform the regulations that control our financial system?

If I pay you lots of money and then you vote the way I want you to is that prima facia evidence of bribery? Isn't that the definition of bribery? My dictionary says that if you're an elected official and I pay you to do what I say, that's bribery.

A full year ago our financial system was rocked to its foundations. Could we need to make some improvements in the rules?

I'm in favor of capitalism.

I'm in favor of people making money.

I'm in favor of a free market system.

But the question is: If Goldman Sachs and banks control our political processes do we actually have a free market system?

I'm afraid of socialism but I'm equally afraid of our political process being controlled by the Big Money.
I'd like to hear what you think.

A Minor Form of Despair, Disguised as a Virtue

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Optimism is the madness of maintaining that everything is right when it is wrong. – Voltaire

Optimism: the noble temptation to see too much in everything. – G.K. Chesterton

The place where optimism flourishes most is the lunatic asylum. – Havelock Ellis

The optimist thinks that this in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it. – J. Robert Oppenheimer

Oyster, n. A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing the entrails! The shells are sometimes given to the poor. – Ambrose Bierce

There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst. – George Bernard Shaw

Patience, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue. – Ambrose Bierce

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel. – Samuel Johnson

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Woe to Him Inside a Nonconformist Clique

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Nature is a hanging judge. – Anonymous

New York is the only city in the world where you can get deliberately run down on the sidewalk by a pedestrian. – Russel Baker

I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize. – George Bernard Shaw

Woe to him inside a nonconformist clique who does not conform with nonconformity. – Eric Hoffer

I’m not OK, you’re not OK, and that’s OK. – William Sloane Coffin

If you leave the smallest corner of your head vacant for a moment, other people’s opinions will rush in from all quarters. – George Bernard Shaw

Opera, n. A play representing life in another world whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures, and no postures but attitudes. – Ambrose Bierce

When an opera star sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance. – Victor Borge

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I Came Rubbing the Stuff On

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Groucho was having problems sexually – premature ejaculation. Someone recommended a topical cream guaranteed to prolong erection. When asked later whether it worked, Groucho responded, “I came rubbing the stuff on.”

A guest on You Bet Your Life television show was a woman who had given birth to twenty-two children. “I love my husband,” the woman explained sheepishly.
“I love my cigar too,” Groucho said, “but I take it out once in a while.”

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The Refuge of Souls Ulcerated by Happiness

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Morality consists in suspecting other people of not being legally married. – George Bernard Shaw

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt toward people we personally dislike. – Oscar Wilde

The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists – that is why they invented hell. – Bertrand Russell

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. – H.G. Wells

If you must choose between living with your mother-in-law and blowing out your brains, don’t hesitate – blow out hers. – Victorien Sardou

The murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums. -–Peter De Vries

Music is the refuge of souls ulcerated by happiness. – E.M. Cioran

Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable. – Samuel Johnson

Assassins! – Arturo Toscanini to his orchestra

She was Good at Playing Abstract Confusion

Marilyn Monroe via last.fm

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. – Georges Clemenceau

Missionaries, my dear! Don’t you realize that missionaries are the divinely provided food for destitute and underfed cannibals? Whenever they are on the brink of starvation, Heaven in its infinite mercy sends them a nice plump missionary. – Oscar Wilde

The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. – H.L. Mencken

Those who have some means think that the most important thing in the world is love. The poor know that it is money. – Gerald Brenan

People will swim through sh—if you put a few bob in it. – Peter Sellers

To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid enough to want it. – G.K. Chesterton

Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond studded wheelchair. – Dorothy Parker

About Marilyn Monroe – “She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short.” – Clive James

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Where Neon Goes to Die; Masturbation Too!

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Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability. – George Bernard Shaw

Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins. – Mark Twain

Don’t knock masturbation – it’s sex with someone I love. – Woody Allen

The good thing about masturbation is that you don’t have to dress up for it. – Truman Capote

Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible. – Margaret Mead

A memorandum is written not to infrom the reader but to protect the writer. – Dean Acheson

Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals. – Oscar Wilde

Miami is where neon goes to die. – Lenny Bruce

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Dog’s Ideal of What God Should Be

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Man is a dog’s ideal of what God should be – Holbrook Jackson

I love mankind; it’s people I can’t stand. – Charles Schultz

To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered. – Voltaire

I couldn’t see tying myself down to a middle-aged woman with four children, even though the woman was my wife and the children were my own. – Joseph Heller

The chain of wedlock is so heavy that it takes two to carry it – sometimes three. – Alexandre Dumas

Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. – Voltaire

I got married the second time in the way that, when a murder is committed, crackpots turn up at the police station to confess the crime. – Delmore Schwartz

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. – Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

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I Brush my Teeth and Sharpen my Tongue

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Eight by Oscar Levant

I’m a study of a man in chaos in search of frenzy.

When I was young I looked like Al Capone, but I lacked his compassion.

I don’t drink; I don’t like it – it makes me feel good.

There is a thin line between genius and insanity. I have erased the line.

I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.

The first thing in the morning I brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

To an obnoxious acquaintance: “I’m going to memorize your name and throw my head away.”

After dinner at the White House, Levant turned to his wife and said, “Now I suppose we’ll have to have the Trumans over to our house.”

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Where Every Cockroach has a Screenplay

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Life is an unbroken succession of false situations. – Thornton Wilder

My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music. – Vladimir Nabokov

A big hard-boiled city with no more personality than a paper cup. – Raymond Chandler (about L.A.)

L.A.: where there’s never weather, and walking is a crime. L.A.: where the streetlights and palm trees go on forever, where darkness never comes, like a deal that never goes down, a meeting that’s never taken. The city of angels: where every cockroach has a screenplay and even the winos wear roller skates. It’s that kind of town. _ Ian Shoales

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. – Stephen Leacock

When we want to read of the deeds that are done for love, whither do we turn? To the murder column. – George Bernard Shaw

It is well to write love letters. There are certain things for which it is not easy to ask your mistress face to face, like money, for instance. – Henri De Regnier

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The Meaning of Life is that it ---

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A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel. – Robert Frost

Liberty means responsibility; that is why most men dread it. – George Bernard Shaw

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. – George Bernard Shaw

Life is the predicament which precedes death. – Henry James

Life is a zoo in a jungle. – Peter De Vries

People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading. – Logan Pearsall Smith

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. – Woody Allen

The meaning of life is that it stops. – Franz Kafka

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