Darkly Comical Quotes of Mark Twain

Mark Twain (11/30/1835 - 4/21/1910)

Samuel Clemens was born in Florida, Missouri.

He took the name Mark Twain, meaning 2 fathoms (twelve feet), as it was a term in the language of Steamboat pilots meaning it was safe to navigate as there was plenty of water beneath your hull.

Mark Twain had four children but no direct descendents.

“All modern American literature comes from one book by Mark Twain called Huckleberry Finn. All American writing comes from that. There was nothing before. There has been nothing so good since.”
– Ernest Hemingway

Dark Comedy Quotes from Mark Twain

In our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either. - Mark Twain

I did not attend his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved it. – Mark Twain

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. – Mark Twain

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. – Mark Twain

All you need is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. – Mark Twain

Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. – Mark Twain

When in doubt, tell the truth. – Mark Twain

Always do right. That will gratify some of the people, and astonish the rest. – Mark Twain

I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55. – Mark Twain

An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency. – Mark Twain

Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can. – Mark Twain

I learned long ago never to say the obvious thing, but leave the obvious thing to commonplace and inexperienced people to say. – Mark Twain

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. – Mark Twain

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. – Mark Twain

There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can. – Mark Twain

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. – Mark Twain

The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right. – Mark Twain

Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. – Mark Twain

Golf is a good walk spoiled. – Mark Twain