Improving Air Travel

Air Travel used to be something special. Then they added extra rows of seats and now it’s a cattle drive.

Soon airline employees will be carrying Tasers and prods in lieu of customer service.

My suggestion is that if a passenger is over six feet tall or over two-hundred pounds they should have a new option. Darting.

As the dartee enters the terminal facial recognition software detects them and directs one of the designated darters positioned high above, hidden in the lights, to dart them.

The jump (jumbo passenger) drops.

A baggage handler moves in and attaches the tracking collar/destinator locator and transport harness.

A line, a sturdy line, is dropped from above and our human package whisked up and away. Meanwhile our trusy red cap handles the less animate personal property.

This human baggage is then directed to an encapsulation facility where each person is packaged for shipment.

The extra cost of darting and packing will be more than offset when these Jumps (jumbo passengers) are slid into handy racks on the plane. Now the airlines can load their planes to the rafters. Why should the airline industry have to sacrifice any cubic aircraft feet?

When they arrive at their destination the Jumps are transported with their baggage directly to their hotel where they are placed on king-size beds to sleep it off. When they wake they’re refreshed and all tagged with a suitable advertising slogans (another new profit center for the airlines) and they can now successfully re-enter the general population.

This simple solution might eventually be expanded for all passengers as it would improve the quality of flying and increase the profitability of the airlines. This would also minimize the aggravation of customs and the possibility of airline terrorism. It would be difficult to take control of an airplane if you’re out cold stacked in the back like cordwood.

There is another added benefit – the airlines won’t need to hire employees who can deal with public relations or even remember how to smile.

My greatest fear with this system is that these jumbo passengers (Jumps) will wind up scattered to the winds as baggage tends to be.

As a Jump myself (6’4” and 220lbs.) I would suitably be the first to volunteer for the testing of this idea. I used to fly six times a month so I’m sure the frequent flyer would enjoy this system. Five year ago we flew to China and half way through the flight I was hoping someone on board had a gun and that they would use it on me.

I would even dare to suggest a line extension. Passengers could even sign up for medical procedures during their sedation. I know that’s how I want my next colonoscopy.