Colorectal Harassment or The New Terrorists in our Sky

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After five years of negotiation a Florida airfreight company and their pilots have come to an agreement. For the last five years air flight crews on their Boeing 727’s have been putting in up to 18-hour days in planes with no restroom facilities. During this time air crewmembers have been issued green plastic bags with the words “Number One” on the smaller and “Number Two” on the larger bags.

A disgruntled co-pilot was heard to say, “The bags are bad enough, they’re flimsy, but our supervisors don’t even give us enough bags. And then we have to keep the bags on board leading to what we refer to as colorectal harassment. It’s too much. I was in the military and often had to wear a catheter on long missions but this is beyond ridiculous."

Today, after five years, an agreement was reached. It was mutually decided that if restrooms can not be retrofitted on the 727’s then more bags will be distributed and that these toilet bombs may be dropped over open water and over 32 of fifty states and Canada. The flight crews and airfreight company are relieved that an agreement has finally been reached.

Associated Press has reported that several small towns in northwest Florida have already been hit with the “toilet bombs.” The air freight company responded by saying, “There’s no law that you have to provide toilets on airplanes and the likelihood of anyone being struck on the ground is a million to one. And in case you are hit directly, or splattered with feces, the air crews are on whole-grain diets and there is a coupon on each bag for a discount on your next air freight package.”

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