Colorectal Harassment or The New Terrorists in our Sky

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After five years of negotiation a Florida airfreight company and their pilots have come to an agreement. For the last five years air flight crews on their Boeing 727’s have been putting in up to 18-hour days in planes with no restroom facilities. During this time air crewmembers have been issued green plastic bags with the words “Number One” on the smaller and “Number Two” on the larger bags.

A disgruntled co-pilot was heard to say, “The bags are bad enough, they’re flimsy, but our supervisors don’t even give us enough bags. And then we have to keep the bags on board leading to what we refer to as colorectal harassment. It’s too much. I was in the military and often had to wear a catheter on long missions but this is beyond ridiculous."

Today, after five years, an agreement was reached. It was mutually decided that if restrooms can not be retrofitted on the 727’s then more bags will be distributed and that these toilet bombs may be dropped over open water and over 32 of fifty states and Canada. The flight crews and airfreight company are relieved that an agreement has finally been reached.

Associated Press has reported that several small towns in northwest Florida have already been hit with the “toilet bombs.” The air freight company responded by saying, “There’s no law that you have to provide toilets on airplanes and the likelihood of anyone being struck on the ground is a million to one. And in case you are hit directly, or splattered with feces, the air crews are on whole-grain diets and there is a coupon on each bag for a discount on your next air freight package.”

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More wisdom from movie producers

The only positive thing in the motion picture business is the negative. – Steve Broidy

I’m predicting that my electronic gorilla will win an Academy Award for the best acting performance of the year. – Dino Di Laurentis

The making of a blockbuster is the newest art form of the Twentieth Century. – Robert Evans

We’re not getting enough production out of Jane’s breasts. – Howard Hughes

When you’re a failure in Hollywood – that’s like starving to death outside a banquet hall with the smells of filet mignon driving you crazy. – Johnny Hyde

Quotes about Joseph M. Schenck
Joseph Schenck was the best poker player in Hollywood. You could play Joe for pennies and lose ten million dollars. – Charles K. Feldman

If Hollywood ever wants to film a supercolossal epic of its own, it couldn’t do better than to settle for the private life of Joseph M. Schenck. – Anita Loos

Boys, I’ve got an idea. Let’s fill the screen with tits. – Hunt Stromberg

My contention has always been, get a director and a writer together, and let them alone. That’s how the best pictures get made. – William A. Wellman

David O. Selznick - Gone With the Wind

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The Producers:

David O. Selznick – Gone With the Wind, A Farewell to Arms

I always worked on the theory that if you make your picture one per cent better you might improve your take ten per cent.

There are only two classes – first class and no class.

I’ve got to do better than Gone With the Wind. I may never make it. But I’ve got to try.

Once photographed, life here is ended. It is almost symbolic of Hollywood. Tara had no rooms inside. It was just a façade. When I go they’ll put on my tombstone, “Here lies the man who made Gone With the Wind.”

David’s father (Lewis J. Selznick – the film pioneer) sent the following telegram to the Czar of Russia when he learned of the Russian Revolution:

When I was a boy in Russia your police treated my people very badly. However no hard feelings. Hear you are now out of work. If you will come to New York, can give you fine position acting in pictures. Salary no object. Reply my expense. Regards you and family.

The Fishkill

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We're happy to announce that The Fishkill has made the finals of the Page International Screenwriting Awards.

The Fishkill is a screenplay written by F.W. Belland and Alan H. Bush

Logline: FISHKILL is the hero's journey of an 11-year old boy who must overcome overwhelming odds to keep his small, dysfunctional family together.


This year there were more than 4,000 entries and more than 1,000 dramas. The Fishkill has made the final 10 dramas.

The script is available to read - http://sites.google.com/site/alanhbushcom or
www.alanhbush.com

The Producers - The Most Darkly Comical of All

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The Producers: The packagers of movies

Irving Thalberg (1899-1936) He produced Grand Hotel (1933), Good Earth (1937)

Always remember, there’s nothing too good for the audience. (Hollywood has certainly changed)

The medium will eventually take its place as art because there is no other medium of interest to so many people.

I don’t think this picture could survive a lot of improvement.

To his wife, Norma Shearer, on his deathbed in Hollywood – Don’t let the children forget me.

About Thalberg:

Mr. Thalberg, do you want it (the script) Wednesday or good? – George S. Kaufman

On a clear day you can see Thalberg.