dark comedy: October 2010

Sunday, October 31, 2010

What's a Heavy Curse in a Fool's Pocket?

Image by bunchofpants via FlickrNothing is so hard for those who abound in riches as to conceive how others can be in want. – Jonathon Swift

What has destroyed every previous civilization has been the tendency to the unequal distribution of wealth and power. This same tendency, operating with increasing force, is observable in our civilization today, showing itself in every progressive community, and with greater intensity the more progressive the community. – Henry George

Golden shackles are far worse than iron ones. – Mohandas ghandhi

Abundance is a blessing to the wise;
The use of riches in discretion lies;
Learn this, ye men of wealth – a heavy purse
In a fool’s pocket is a heavy curse.

To open a shop is easy, to keep it open is an art. – Confucius

Buy cheap, sell dear. – Thomas Lodge

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Going to Hell in Embroidrery

Image by Urban Combing (Ultrastar175g) via FlickrWatch lest prosperity destroy generosity. – Henry Ward Beecher

Better go to heaven in rags than to hell in embroidery. – Proverb

A fortune is usually the greatest of misfortunes to children. It takes the muscles out of the limbs, the brain out of the head, and virtue out of the heart. – Henry Ward Beecher

It is poor encouragement to toil through life to amass a fortune to ruin your children. In nine cases out of ten, a large fortune is the greatest curse which could be bequeathed to the young and inexperienced. – Jean de la Bruyere

To acquire wealth is difficult, to preserve it more difficult, but to spend it wisely most difficult of all. – Edward Parsons Day

Riches enlarge, rather than satisfy appetite. – Thomas Fuller

Friday, October 29, 2010

Why Worldly Riches are like Nuts

Image by ChrisMRichards via FlickrThe rich never feel so good as when they are speaking of their possessions as responsibilities. – Robert Lynd

For many men, the acquisition of wealth does not end their troubles, it only changes them. – Lucius Annaeus Seneca

The rich are the real outcasts of society, and special missions should be organized for them. – Norman Macleod

Keep company with the very rich and you’ll end up picking up the check. – Stanley Walker

To suppose, as we all suppose, that we could be rich and not behave as the rich behave, is like supposing that we could drink all day and stay sober. – Logan Pearsall Smith

Worldly riches are like nuts; many clothes are torn in getting them, many a tooth broke in cracking them, but never a belly filled with eating them. – Ralph Venning

Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Journey from Rage to Wretchedness

The Hughes H-4 Hercules with Howard Hughes at ...

Image via WikipediaA man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone. – Henry David Throreau

Nowadays, we think of a philanthropist as someone who donates big sums of money, yet the word is derived from two Greek words, philos (loving) and anthropos (man); loving man. All of us are capable of being philanthropists. We can give of ourselves. – Edward Lindsey

It is tragic that Howard Hughes had to die to prove that he was alive. – Walter Kane

The prosperous man is never sure that he is loved for himself. – Marcus Lucan

The more money an American accumulates, the less interesting he becomes. – Gore Vidal

Sometimes the pilgrimage from rags to riches is a journey from rage to wretchedness. – R.W. Huber

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Watching Catastrophes from the Terrace

Image via WikipediaWealth is not his that has it, but his that enjoys it. – Benjamin Franklin

A man’s true wealth is the good he does in this world. – Mohammed

Only the brave deserve the fair, but only the rich, fat, cowardly merchants can afford same. – Chinese Proverb

Don’t try to die rich but live rich. – Thomas Bird Mosher

The privelede of the great is to see catastrophes from a terrace. – Jean Giradoux

The best way to realize the pleasure of feeling rich is to live in a smaller house tthanyour means would entitle you to have. – Edward Clarke

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Art of Living Like a Poor Man with Lots of Money

Image via WikipediaI’d like to be rich enough so that I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off. – Andy Rooney

All heiresses are beautiful. – John Dryden

He has so much money that he could afford to look poor. – Edgar Wallace

In wealth many friends, in poverty not even relations. – anonymous

It is better to live rich than to die rich. – Samuel Johnson

I’d like to live like a poor man with lots of money. - Pablo Picasso

Saturday, October 23, 2010

With money in your pocket, you are wise, and you are handsome, and you sing well too

Image by Lorenzo Pasqualis via FlickrNo man can tell whether he is rich or poor by turning to his ledger – It is the heart that makes a man rich – He is rich according to what he is, not according to what he has. – Henry Ward Beecher

Believe not much them that seem to despise riches, for they despise them that despair of them. – Francis Bacon

Wealth, after all, is a relative thing, since he that has little, and wants less, is richer than he that has much and wants more. – Charles Caleb Colton

Money doesn’t buy friends but it allows a better class of enemies. – Lord Mancroft

A rich man is one who isn’t afraid to ask the salesman to show him something cheaper. – Ladies Home Journal

With money in your pocket, you are wise, and you are handsome, and you sing well too. – Jewish Proverb

Friday, October 22, 2010

Wealth Creates More Wants than it Supplies

Image of Peter Popoff on letters requesting mo...

Image via WikipediaI don’t think one can spend oneself rich. – Rhoda Thomas Tripp

The rich would have to eat money, but luckily the poor provide food. – Russian Proverb

Some folks seem to get the idea that they’re worth a lot of money just because they have it. – Seth Parker

He is a great simpleton who imagines that the chief power of wealth is to supply wants. In ninety-nine cases out of a hundred it creates more wants than it supplies. – anonymous

The pride of dying rich raises the loudest laugh in hell. – John Foster

There are men who gain from their wealth only the fear of losing it. – Antoine Rivaroli

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Rich Men Without Convictions

Image by Today is a good day via Flickr

A man who has a million dollars is as well off as if he were rich. – John Jacob Astor

Until the age of twelve I sincerely believed that everybody had a house on Fifth Avenue, a villa in Newport and a steam-driven, ocean-going yacht. – Cornelius Vanderbilt Jr.

Well, yes. You could say we have independent means. – John D. Rlockefeller

You are affluent when you buy what you want, do what you wish, and don’t give a thought to what it costs. – J.P. Morgan

Rich men without convictions are more dangerous in modern society than poor women without chastity. – George Bernard Shaw

Wealth consists not in having great possesions, but in having few wants. – Epicurus

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The Lack of Optimistic Brokeness

Image by Hanna L. via Flickr

An optimist is always broke. – Frank McKinney Hubbard

A miser is ever in want. – Greek Proverb

They who have little are thought to have no right to anything. – John Lancaster Spalding

He is not poor that hath not much, but he that craves much. – Proverb

Wealth is the product of man’s capacity to think. – Ayn Rand

Wealth – any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband. – Henry Louis Mencken

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

A New Disease: Lack-O-Money

Image by xjyxjy via Flickr

There were times my pants were so thin that I could sit on a dime and tell if it were heads or tails. – Spencer Tracy

He who has no bread has no authority. – Turkish Proverb

We haven’t the money, so we’ve got to think. – Lord Rutherford

Subject to a kind of disease, which at that time they called a lack of money. – Francois Rabelais

I must say I hate money, but it’s the lack of it I hate most. – Katherine Mansfield

Necessity knows no Sunday. – Agnes Repplier

Monday, October 18, 2010

A Kind of Spritual Snobbery

Image by Udo Herzog via Flickr

It is a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money. – Albert Camus

Nothing is sadder than having worldly standards without worldly means. – Van Wyck Brooks

To have money is to be virtuous, honest, beautiful and witty. And to be without is to be ugly and boring and stupid and useless. – Jean Giradoux

When you're down and out something always turns up – and it’s usually the noses of your friends. – Orson Welles

When a man says money can do everything, that settles it; he hasn’t any – Edgar Watson Howe

A deficit is what you have when you haven’t got as much as you had when you had nothing. – Gerald F. Liberman

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Money Never Goes to Jail

The Eiffel Tower, Paris. View from below.

Image via WikipediaTwo men were walking along a crowded sidewalk in a down-town business area. Suddenly one exclaimed, “Listen to the lovely sound of that cricket.” But the other could not hear. He asked his companion how he could detect the sound of a cricket amid the din of people and traffic. The first man, who was a zoologist, had traineed himself to listen to the voice of nature. But he didn’t explain. He simply took a coin out of his pocket and dropped it to the sidewalk, whereupon a dozen people began to look about them. “We hear,” he said, “what we listen for.” – Kermit L. Long

If American men are obsessed with money, American women are obsessed with weight. The men talk of gain, the women talk of loss, and I do not know which talk is more boring. – Marya Mannes

Money never goes to jail. – Arab proverb

I like Paris. They don’t talk so much of money, but more of sex. – Vera Stravinsky

It is extraordinary to what an expense of time and money people will go to get something for nothing. – Robert Lynd

A man’s treatment of money is the most decisive test of his character – how he makes it and how he spends it. – James Moffatt

Saturday, October 16, 2010

What do a Mistress and Cancer Have in Common?

Image by Okinawa Soba via Flickr

The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. – Henry Lousis Mencken

When I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old, I know it is. – Oscar Wilde

There is no fortress so strong that money cannot take it. – Cicero

No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he only had good intentions. He had money as well. – Margaret Thatcher

Money differs from an automobile, a mistress or cancer in being equally important to those who have it and those who don’t. – John Kenneth Galbraith

Life is short and so is money. – Bertolt Brecht

Friday, October 15, 2010

Warning to Politician's - Gullibility is a Perishable Commodity

Warning – Customers Are Perishable – Store Sign

Women aren’t embarrassed when they buy men’s pajamas, but a man buying a nightgown acts as though he were dealing with a dope dealer. – Jimmy Cannon

Tipping started when gratuities were dropped in a box marked T.I.P.S. – to insure prompt service. – Bertram Troy

No customer can be worse than no customer. – Leopold Fechtner

The public doesn’t know what it wants. We offer beautiful things that we like. Anyone who disagrees with our taste is free to go elsewhere. – Tiffany and Co.

The only people who claim that money is not important are people who have enough money so that they are relieved of the ugly burden of thinking about it. – Joyce Carol Oates

Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Parent of Prodigality

Image via Wikipedia

Gambling is the child of avarice, but the parent of prodigality. – Charles Caleb Colton

Money doesn’t always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars. – Hobart Brown

Money is the fruit of evil and often is the root of it. – Henry Fielding

Money is paper blood. – Bob Hope

Money is an article which may be used as a universal passport to everywhere except Heaven, and as a universal provider of everything but happiness. – Wall Street Journal

Money is the only substance which can keep a cold world from nicknaming a citizen, “Hey, you!”

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The Sure Way to Get Nothing for Something

Image by Toronto Rob via Flickr

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. – Wilson Mizner

Millions of words are written annually purporting to tell how to beat the races, whereas the best possible advice on the subject is found in the three monosyllables, “Do not try.”

A gambler is nothing but a man who makes his living out of hope. – William Bolitho

Nine gamblers could not feed a single rooster. – Yugoslav Proverb

Gaming is the son of avarice, and the father of dispair. – French proverb

Gambling is the child of avarice, the brother of iniquity, and the father of mischief. – George Washington

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The Face that Launched a Thousand Chips

A sign at The 5 Point Cafe in Seattle, WA

Image via Wikipedia

There is but one good throw upon the dice, which is to throw them away. – Paul Chatfield

If you must play, decide upon three things at the start: the rules of the game, the stakes, and the quitting time. – Chinese Proverb

A poker face is the face that launches a thousand chips. – anonymous

The better the gambler, the worse the man. – Publius Syrus

I’d sooner live among people who don’t cheat at cards than among people who are earnest about not cheating at cards. – Clive Staples Lewis

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you do hold well. – Josh Billings

Monday, October 11, 2010

The Only Animl that Plays Poker

Image via Wikipedia

Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table. – Ambrose Bierce

True luck consists not in holding the best of the cards at the table: luckiest he who knows just when to rise and go home. – John Hay

There is enough energy wasted in poker to make a hundred thousand successful every year. – Arthur Brisbane

Gambling promises the poor what property performs for the rich – something for nothing. – George Bernard Shaw

Man is the only animal that plays poker. – Don Herold

It doesn’t say much for society, if gambling is the main method of raising money for good causes. – Bertram Troy

Sunday, October 10, 2010

I can only claim rashness born of school stress

Image by St. Murse via FlickrRashness succeeds often, still more often fails. – Napoleon Bonaparte

If you leap into a well, providence is not bound to fetch you out. – Thomas Fuller

To get profit without risk, experience without danger, and reward without work, is as impossible as it is to live without being born.

The strength of Monaco is the weakness of the world. – H.A. Gibbons

Poker exemplifies the worst aspects of capitalism that have made our country so great. – Walter Matthau

God does not play dice. – Albert Einstein

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Death on the Installment Plan

Image by unbearable lightness via Flickr

Insurance is death on the installment plan. – Philip Slater

Insurance is the guarantee that, no matter how many necessities a person has to forgo all through life, death was something to which he could look forward. – Fred Allen

Progress means taking risks, for you can’t steal home and keep your foot on third base. – Herbert V. Prochnow

Being grown up means we can have our own way – at our expense. – Hal Rogers

There are risks and costs to a program of action. But they are far less than the long range risks and costs of comfortable inaction. – John F. Kennedy

We can be absolutely certain only about things we do not understand. – Eric Hoffer

Friday, October 8, 2010

A Pound of Perhaps

Image by Robbert van der Steeg via Flickr

Nine out of ten economic laws are economic laws only till they are found out. – Robert Lynd

Economics is a subject that does not greatly respect one’s wishes. – Nikita Khrushchev

The dynamo of our economic system is self-interest which may range from mere petty greed to admirable types of self expression. – Felix Frankfurter

Whatever you have, you must either use or lose. – Henry Ford

During the first period of a man’s life the greatest danger is: not to take the risk. – Soren Keirkegaard

The worst financial risks are those that think the world owes them a living. – anonymous

A pinch of probability is worth a pound of perhaps. – James Thurber

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Buy More Cars so Everyone Can Afford One?

GLENDALE, CA - NOVEMBER 16: Customers shop fo...

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

Our nation’s economy seems to be based on the belief that we shouldn’t practice it. – Harold Coffin

One of the difficulties of economics is that it is too easy to explain after a particular event has happened, why it should have happened; and too easy to explain before it happens, why it should not happen. – M.G. Kendall

The economy may suffer if auto sales drop – but that’s the American way; we have to buy more cars than we need or we’ll never be able to afford them. – Jack Wilson

Everything now seems to be under federal control except the national debt and the budget. – Bob Goddard

There are three things not worth running for – a bus, a woman or a new economic panacea: if you wait a bit another will come along. – Derick Heathcoat Amory

There’s one way to solve all the biggest problems of life: make complacency taxable. – anonymous

Economics is all about the two biggest problems of life: how to make money and how to get along without it. – Bertram Troy

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Going Broke Methodically

Buried machinery in barn lot in Dallas, South ...

Image via WikipediaBankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in you pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors. – Joey Adams

Remember that even though work stops, nevertheless the expenses continue to mount up. – Marcus Cato

Evolution has her own accounting system and that’s the only one that matters. – R. Buckminster Fuller

Those who work out our federal budget

have a policy – really a honey.

We shall live on our national income,

even if we must borrow the money!

Leverett Lyon

A budget is the way to go broke methodically. – anonymous

I learned more about economics from one South Dakota dust storm than I did in all my years in college. – Hubert Humphrey

One of the great pieces of economic wisdom is to know what you do not know. – John Kenneth Galbraith

Monday, October 4, 2010

Is Chapter Eleven the result of following the Ten Commandments?

Image by Eliya via FlickrOur accounting department is the office that has the little red box on the wall saying, “In case of emergency break glass.” And inside are two tickets to Brazil. – Robert Orben

Auditors are the people who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded. – P. Rubin

If my business was legitimate, I would deduct a substantial percentage for depreciation of my body. – Xaviera Hollander

Budgeting is a system of additions and subtractions more honored in breach than in observance. – Eugene E. Brussell

I don’t know how much money I’ve got. I did ask the accountant how much it came to. I wrote it down on a bit of paper but I’ve lost the bit of paper. – John Lennon

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant – even if he wanted to be one. – Jackie Mason

Is Chapter Eleven the result of following the Ten Commandments? – anonymous

Saturday, October 2, 2010

The Other "N" word

Patience Is The Best Remedy For Every Trouble

Image by Sam Ilić via FlickrThe trouble with the profit system has always been that it was highly unprofitable to most people. – Elwyn Brooks White

Zoologist Desmond Morris once did an experiment that exposed an ape to the “profit motive.” First of all he got it to draw and paint, and found that it was doing lovely things. Then he started rewarding the ape with peanuts for its work.

“Soon it was doing any old scrawl to get the peanuts,” Morris said wryly. “I had introduced commercialism into the ape’s world, and ruined him as an artist. – Thomas Wiseman

Profitability is the sovereign criterion of the enterprise. – Peter F. Drucker

There are occasions when it is undoubtedly better to incur loss than to make gain. – Titus Maccius Plautus

Prefer a loss to a dishonest gain: the one brings pain at the moment, the other for all time. – chilon

Net – the biggest word in the language of business. – Herbert Casson

Few have heard of Fra Luca Parioli, the inventor of double-entry bookkeeping; but he has probably had much more influence on human life than has Dante or Michelangelo. – Herbert J. Muller

Sunday, October 31, 2010

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