Those Who Hate You Don’t Win Unless ...

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You learn in this business: If you want a friend, get a dog. – Carl Icahn

Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you what you are. – Arsene Houssaye

After the verb “to love,” “to help” is the most beautiful verb in the world! – Bertha von Suttner

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. – Josh Billings

We owe to the Middle Ages the two worst inventions of humanity – romantic love and gunpowder. – Andre Maurois

Those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them, and then you destroy yourself. – Richard Nixon

She’s Descended From a Long Line her Mother Listened to

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The honeymoon is over when he phones that he’ll be late for supper – and she has already left a note that it’s in the refrigerator. – Bill Lawrence

When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl – she wanted a divorce. – Woody Allen

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? Because they’re worth it. – Henny Youngman

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. – Rodney Dangerfield

She’s descended from a long line her mother listened to. – Gypsy Rose Lee

You don’t know a woman till you’ve met her in court. – Norman Mailer

She cried and the judge wiped her tears with my check book. – Tommy Manville

I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. – Lewis Grizzard

It Wasn’t Exactly a Divorce – I was Traded

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Errol Flynn died on a 70-foot boat with a 17-year-old girl. Walter has always wanted to go that way, but he’s going to settle for a 17-footer with a 70-year-old. – Betty Cronkite

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now, I have six children and no theories. – John Wilmot

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. – American proverb

Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. – Voltaire

All any woman asks of her husband is that he loves her and obey her commandments. – John W. Raper

Never confuse “I love you” with “I want to marry you.” – Cleveland Amory

It wasn’t exactly a divorce – I was traded. – Tim Conway

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She Can’t Wait to Disprove It

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To succeed with the opposite sex tell her you’re impotent. She can’t wait to disprove it. – Cary Grant

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light. – Mark Twain

A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he’s married. – H.L. Mencken

Husbands think we should know where everything is: like the uterus is a tracking device. He asks me, “Roseanne, do we have any Cheetos left?” Like he can’t go over to that sofa cushion and lift it himself. - Roseanne Barr

Women seem to be all right on bargains till it comes to picking out a husband. – Frank McKinney Hubbard

A husband is one who stands by you in troubles you wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t married him. – anonymous

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy – and Jill a rich widow. – Evan Esar

Rarely, if ever, do they Forgive them

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If you want to see what children can do, you must stop giving them things. – Norman Douglas

The worst misfortune that can happen to an ordinary man is to have an extraordinary father. – anonymous

When I look at my children, I often wish I had remained a virgin. – Lillian Carter

The first half of our live is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children. – Clarence Darrow

Don’t take up a man’s time talking about the smartness of your children; he wants to talk to you about the smartness of his children. – Ed Howe

Children begin by loving their parents. After a time they judge them. Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. – Oscar Wilde

When I grow up I want to be a little boy. – Joseph Heller

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion

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There are two classes of travel – first class and with children. – Robert Benchley

If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent. – Bette Davis

We learn from experience. A man never wakes up his second baby just to see it smile. – Grace Williams

Whenever I hear people discussing birth control, I always remember that I was the fifth. – Clarence Darrow

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion. – Spike Milligan

We have not passed that subtle line between childhood and adulthood until we move from the passive voice to the active voice – that is, until we have stopped saying, “It got lost,” and say “I lost it.” – Sydney J. Harris

There is no such thing as a tough child – If you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender. – W.C. Fields

I’m a Deeply Superficial Person

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The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don’t let them put you in that position. – Leo Buscaglia

Man is what he believes. – Anton Chekhov

I’m a deeply superficial person. – Andy Warhol

In modern society the opposite of courage is not cowardice; it is conformity. – Rollo May

Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers. – Lewis Mumford

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore. – Ogden Nash

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective. – P.J. O’Rourke

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One Who Feeds a Crocodile Hoping it will Eat Him Last

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Have you considered that if you “don’t make waves” nobody including yourself will know that you are alive. – Theodore Issac Rubin

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile hoping it will eat him last. – Winston Churchill

It is impossible for a man to be cheated by anyone but himself. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can enter except by your permission. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing is so silly as the expression of a man who is being complimented. – Andre Gide

People only see what they are prepared to see. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What one see depends upon where one sits. – James R Schlesinger

Enough is Enough

Enough is enough!!!!

Bernard E. Desjardins
Social Security 2009

I COULDN'T forward this FAST enough.........!!

2010 is an election year for 1/3 of the senate and 1/2 of the house of representatives. It would be nice if congress got the message; the voting taxpayers are in charge now.
Social Security 2009



LET US SHOW OUR LEADERS IN WASHINGTON "PEOPLE POWER" AND THE POWER OF THE INTERNET. PLEASE FORWARD TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS.

IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU ARE REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT!

KEEP IT GOING!!!!

Propose this in 2009:

START A BILL TO PLACE ALL POLITICIANS ON SOCIAL SECURITY


------------ --------- --------- ----

SOCIAL SECURITY:

(This is worth reading. It is short and to the point.)

Perhaps we are asking the wrong questions during election years.

Our Senators and Congressmen do not pay into Social Security and, of course, they do not collect from it.

You see, Social Security benefits were not suitable for persons of their rare elevation in society. They felt they should have a special plan for themselves So, many years ago they voted in their own benefit plan.

In more recent years, no congress person has felt the need to change it. After all, it is a great plan.

For all practical purposes their plan works like this:

When they retire, they continue to draw the same pay until they die.
Except it may increase from time to time for cost of living adjustments. ......

For example, Senator Byrd and Congressman White and their wives may expect to draw $7, 800,000.00 (that's Seven Million, Eight-Hundred Thousand Dollars), with their wives drawing $275, 000..00 during the last years of their lives.
This is calculated on an average life span for each of those two Dignitaries.

Younger Dignitaries who retire at an early age, will receive much more during the rest of their lives.

Their cost for this excellent plan is $0.00. ZIP!! NADA!!! ZILCH!!!

This little perk they voted for themselves is free to them. You and I pick up the tab for this plan. The funds for this fine retirement plan come directly from the General Funds;

"OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK"!

From our own Social Security Plan, which you and I pay (or have paid) into, every payday until we retire (which amount is matched by our employer ), We can expect to get an average of
$1,000 per month after retirement.

Or, in other words, we would have to collect our average of $1,000 monthly benefits for 68 years and one (1) month to equal Senator Bill Bradley's benefits!

Social Security could be very good if only one small change were made.

That change would be to

Jerk the Golden Fleece Retirement Plan from under the Senators and Congressmen. . Put them into the Social Security plan with the rest of us

Then sit back....

And see how fast they would fix it!

If enough people receive this, maybe a seed of awareness will be planted and maybe good changes will evolve.


How many people can YOU send this to?

Better yet.....

How many people WILL you send this to ?
P.S. The same goes for their healthplan

Saved by Criticism

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The best index to a persons’ character is (a) how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can’t fight back. – Abigail Van Buren

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. – Oscar Wilde

The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism. – Norman Vincent Peale

Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything. – Mary Hemingway

Don’t compromise yourself. You are all you’ve got. – Janis Joplin

When you are right you cannot be too radical; when you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative. – Martin Luther King, Jr.

When people begin to ignore human dignity, it will not be long before they begin to ignore human rights. – G.K. Chesterton

Violence Punctuated by Committee Meetings

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A race track is a place where windows clean people. – Danny Thomas

The deer season just opened. A deer hunter in Ventura County brought in his first man yesterday. – Will Rogers

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. – Erma Bombeck

Football features two of the worst parts of American life - violence punctuated by committee meetings. – George F. Will

(on fishing) - It has always been my private conviction that any man who pits his intelligence against a fish and loses has it coming. – John Steinbeck

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be. – Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Only the shallow know themselves. – Oscar Wilde

He who knows others is clever; he who knows himself is enlightened. – Lao-tzu

These then are my last words to you. Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact. – William James

You Cannot Prevent the Birds of Sorrow from Flying Over Your Head ...

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When a man is happy, he does not hear the clock strike. – German proverb

He who laughs, lasts. – Robert Fulghum

Succes is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get. – anonymous

The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer everybody else up. – Mark Twain

You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair. – Chinese proverb

Happiness doesn’t depend on what we have but it does depend on how we feel towards what we have. We can be happy with little and miserable with much. – William Dempster Hoard

You May Die of a Misprint

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I get my exercise acting as a pall-bearer to my friends who exercise. – Chauncey Depew

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. – Mark Twain

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking, and loving, you don’t actually live longer, it just seems longer. – Clement Freud

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. – Mark Twain

If American men are obsessed with money, American women are obsessed with weight. The men talk of gain, the women talk of loss, and I do not know which talk is the more boring. – Marya Mannes

A man is never drunk if he can lie on the floor without holding on. – Joe E. Lewis

My uncle was the town drunk – and we lived in Chicago. – George Gobel

I Was Alarmed at my Doctor’s Report

I hear and I forget.
I see and I remember.
I do and I understand. – Confucius

An old poacher makes a good gamekeeper. – anonymous

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? – Abraham Lincoln

No rich man is ugly. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

I base my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch. – Gilda Radner

Every generation laughs at the old fashions but religiously follows the new. – Henry David Thoreau

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a schizophrenic, and so am I. – anonymous

I was alarmed at my doctor’s report: he said I was sound as a dollar. – William Proxmire

How Failure Can Lead to Success

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Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage – to move in the opposite direction. – Ernst F. Schumacher

Who dares to teach must never cease to learn. – John Cotton Dana

Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit. – Elbert Hubbard

When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course. – Peter Drucker

The real villain of the oil crisis is the Harvard Business School – almost every Arab sheik now in charge of his country’s oil policy was trained at Harvard. – Art Buchwald

There are three ingredients in the good life: learning, earning, and yearning. – Christopher Morley

Never insult an alligator until you’ve crossed the river. – Cordell Hull

Failure is success if we learn from it. – Malcolm Forbes

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The Most Fascinating Kind of Art

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Business is like riding a bicycle. Either you keep moving or you fall down. – American Business Saying

You never expected justice from a company, did you? They have neither a soul to lose nor a body to kick. – Sydney Smith

Corporation: an ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. – Ambrose Bierce

Being good in business is the most facinating kind of art. – Andy Warhol

Those who know not, and know that they know not, these are foolish.
Those who know not, and know not that they know not, these are the simple and should be instructed.
Those who know, and know not that they know, these are asleep; wake them.
Those who know and know they know, these are the wise; listen to them. – Arab proverb

Knowledge is a process of piling up facts; wisdom lies in their simplification. – Martin H. Fischer

I think the world is run by C students. – Al McGuire

I never let my schooling interfere with my education. – Mark Twain

Capitalism is Humanitarianism?

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Any business arrangement that is not profitable to the other fellow will in the end prove unprofitable to you. The bargain that yields mutual satisfaction is the only one that is apt to be repeated. – B.C. Forbes

Capitalism is humanitarianism. – Margaret Thatcher

Money alone sets all the world in motion. – Publius Syrus

The highest use of capital is not to make more money, but to make money do more for the betterment of life. – Henry Ford

Little by little, the pimps have taken over the world. They don’t do anything, they don’t make anything – they just stand there and take their cut. – Jean Giraudoux

I use the words “profit” and “capitalism” proudly. Because when business is healthy, all of society is healthy. – Henry Jack Gray

Business without profit is not business any more than a pickle is candy. – Charles F. Abbott

Social responsibility is tied directly to making a profit. – John D. Harper

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies. – Woody Allen

The Only Way to Cut Governmental Spending

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They say there are only two certainties in life, taxes and death. The only difference is, death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets. – Spark M. Matsunaga

The only way to cut governmental spending is not to give them the money to spend in the first place. – Howard Jarvis

I’m proud to pay taxes in the United States. The only thing is, I could be just as proud for half the money. – Arthur Godfrey

Tax reform means: “Don’t tax me. Don’t tax thee. Tax that guy behind the tree.” – Russell Long

Inflation is the one form of taxation that can be imposed without legislation. – Milton Friedman

Why does a tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents? – Peg Bracken

Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery. – Calvin Coolidge

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. – Albert Einstein

The Difference between a Tax Collector and a Taxidermist

Elvis Presley via last.fm

A man who is not a liberal at sixteen has no heart; a man who is not a conservative at sixty has no head. – Benjamin Disraeli

The Republican party is a friend of Social Security the way Colonel Sanders was a friend to chickens. – Charles T. Manatt

There is one difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist – the taxidermist leaves the hide. – Mortimer Caplan

We don’t pay taxes; the little people pay taxes. – Leona Helmsley

Taxes are what we pay for a civilized society. – Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

The United States is the only country where it takes more brains to figure your tax bill than to earn the money to pay it. – Edward J. Gurney

I have no use for bodyguards, but I have a very special use for two highly trained certified public accountants. – Elvis Presley

The are of taxation consist in so plucking the goose as to get the most feathers with the least hissing. Jean Baptiste Colbert

There are Some Things that Rats just Won’t Do

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The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers. – William Shakespeare

Bulls do not win bull fights.
People do.
People do not win people fights.
Lawyers do. - Norman R. Augustine

A lawyer is a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it for himself. – Lord Henry Peter

The illegal we do immediately, the unconstitutional takes a little longer. – Henry Kissinger

There are three reasons why lawyers are being used more and more in scientific experiments. First, every year there are more and more of them around. Second, lab assistants don’t get attached to them. And, third, there are some things that rats just won’t do. – anonymous

Bad laws are the worst sort of tyranny. – Edmund Burke

A peasant between two lawyers is a fish between two cats. – Spanish proverb

The minute you read something that you can’t understand, you can almost always be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer. – Will Rogers

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The Art of Saying "Nice Doggie" Until You Can Find a Rock

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A politician should have three hats. One for throwing in the ring, one for talking through, and one for pulling rabbits out of if elected. – Carl Sandburg

A cardinal rule of politics is never get caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman. – Larry Hagman

Since a politician never believes what he says, he is surprised when others believe him. – Charles de Gaulle

Diplomacy it the art of saying “Nice doggie” until you can find a rock. – Will Rogers

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt. – Herbert Hoover

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. – Mark Twain

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The Gentle Art of Getting Votes from the Poor and Campaign Funds from the Rich

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A billion seconds ago it was 1951.
A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
A billion hours ago no one walked on two feet on earth.
And a billion dollars ago was 10.3 hours hours ago in Washington D.C. – Alexander B Trowbridge Jr.

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: “I’m from the government and I’m here to help.” – Ronald Reagan

The point to remember is that what the government gives it must first take away. – John Strider Coleman

When business accepts help from government, it can be like going to bed with a hippopotamus. It’s warm and nice for a moment, but then your bedmate rolls over and crushes you. – Donald Rumsfeld

The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away. – Ronald Reagan

The less government interferes with private business, the better for general prosperity. – Martin Van Buren

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. – Oscar Ameringer

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There’s Another Advantage of Being Poor

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As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. – Buddy Hackett

There were times my pants were so thin that I could sit on a dime and tell if it were heads or tails. – Spencer Tracy

There’s another advantage of being poor – a doctor will cure you faster. – Frank McKinney

Prejudice saves a lot of time, because you can form an opinion without the facts. – anonymous

In Germany, they came first for the communists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn’t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up. – Martin Miemoller

When the whites came, we had the land and they had the Bibles. Now they have the land and we have the Bibles. – Chief Dan George

The Trouble with Being Poor

The prosperous man is never sure that he is loved for himself. – Marcus Lucan

Since I am known as a rich person, I feel I have to tip at least $5 each time I check my coat. On top of that, I would have to wear a very expensive coat, and it would have to be insured. Added up, without a top-coat I save over $20,000 a year. – Aristotle Onassis

When a poor man eats a chicken, one or the other is sick. – Yiddish proverb

The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time. – William De Kooning

I’ve never been poor, only broke. Being poor is a frame of mind. Being broke is only a temporary situation. – Mike Todd

Generally speaking, the poorer person summers where he winters. – Fran Lebowitz

How much health care Americans get should depend not on how much they can afford but on how much they need. – Edward M. Kennedy

He Makes Deserts Bloom and Lakes Die

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When Fortune means to men most good, she looks upon them with a threatening eye. – William Shakespeare

Give a man a fish, and he can eat for a day. But teach a man how to fish, and he’ll be dead of mercury poisoning inside of three years. – Charlie Haas

Man is a complex human being; he makes deserts bloom and lakes die. – Gil Stern

Another advantage of being rich is that all your faults are called eccentricities. – anonymous

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store. – Frank McKinney

Better to be nouveau than never to have been riche at all. – anonymous

I’d like to be rich enough so that I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off. – Andy Rooney

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The Only Animal That Can Remain on Friendly Terms with the Victims

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I believe that every right implies a responsibilty; every opportunity, an obligation; every possession, a duty. – John D. Rockefeller, Jr.

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them. – Samuel Butler

The tyrant dies and his rule is over; the martyr dies and his rule begins. – Soren Kierkegaard

Whenever a man has cast a longing eye on offices, a rottenness begins in his conduct. – Thomas Jefferson

He who goes with wolves learns to howl. – Spanish proverb

You and I can never do a kindness too soon, for we never know how soon it will be too late. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

We should keep the Panama Canal. After all, we stole it fair and square. – S.I. Hayakawa

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Confession may be good for the soul, but it is bad for the reputation. – Thomas R. Dewar

The best way to keep one’s word is not to give it. – Napoleon Bonaparte

A promise made is a debt unpaid. – Robert w. Service

Man is the only animal that blushes – or needs to. – Mark Twain

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for. – W.C. Fields

Never believe anything until it has been officially denied. – Claud Cockburn

There is no crime in the cynical American calendar more humiliating than to be a sucker. – Max Lerner

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